The End is in Sight

Two months.  I have two months of service left.  I feel like the time has simultaneously flown by and dragged on.  I stopped writing this blog because I threw myself into other things.  I was Co-Coordinator on Summer project last summer.  I was the Coordinator for Rice Paper.  I was Editor-in-Chief on multiple newsletters.  I worked really hard on lesson plans in the classroom.  I also met someone here that takes up about 80% of my free time...and that's a great thing.

Overall, I thought I would have more time for my personal side-projects, but I got so involved in Peace Corps projects that my individual ones kind of fell off.  It isn't the first time I've had good intentions go awry in my life and I'm sure it won't be the last, but it's sad to me that I didn't document more of my daily life in written word here on this blog.

Overwhelmingly I feel great about my service.  My school has sometimes been a nightmare to deal with, but I've found ways of working through it and feeling fulfilled at site and in my Peace Corps work.  My lasting contribution will be felt through the amazing work my colleagues and I have put into making the affinity groups and help groups of Peace Corps thrive and grow.  We've added content to PPS (Peer Professional Support), updated multiple handbooks, and even created a new group, Health Corps, dedicated to helping volunteers stay physically healthy at site.  Overall, we are leaving Peace Corps a little better than we found it, and that's really all one can ask for at the end of service.

I recently won a superlative at our COS (Close-of-Service) Conference: Peace Corps Mom.  I guess I did something right, because volunteers feel that I have their backs.  It felt really great to know that.

Yom Kippur Atonement and Teachable Moments

I worked on Rosh Hashanah. I had one class, and I felt that as a Peace Corps Volunteer, I had a duty to attend class. When you sign up to be a Peace Corps Volunteer, there are a lot of things you give up. You give up the right to total privacy. You give up the right to total anonymity. You give up the right to choose your own schedule, where you go, and who you see or say "yes," to. You also may have to give up ties to your religion and religious practices. Service is 24/7 for 24 months. It's something I signed up for, so on Rosh Hashanah, one of the High Holidays of my heritage, I worked. It was a Thursday.

Ten days separate Rosh hashanah and Yom Kippur. This means that if Rosh Hashanah is on a Thursday, Yom Kippur is on the next Saturday. So...I knew I could fast and attend services in peace with no guilt. There would be no class! Alas, in China, weekends are not sacred. In fact, because National holiday is next week and they wish to give students and staff an entire week off, that means they make up Thursday classes on the Saturday before...which happens to this year fall on Yom Kippur.

At first, I thought, 'well, I will just go to class, I did sign up for the unknown aspects of Peace Corps service,' but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that this was a teachable moment. I am a religion and cultural background that most of my students have no real idea about. They think Jews are smart and like to read books. I have had more than one student ask me, "did your prents paint honey on the pages of your books so you would learn to love to read?" (I have no idea where this stereotype came from, btw.) My response being, "wouldn't that make the pages stick together?" They then look at me with wide saucer-like eyes and sigh, "ooooooooh! Yes, teacher, it would!" So I felt that exposing my school to my religious practices (not pushing it, but opening their minds to a new way of faith and thought) may be a positive experience.

I decided not to go through Peace Corps, but to handle this with my school directly. Over the past year I have established myself as a responsible, outgoing, and strict teacher, and I have quite a lot of respect on campus. I have also NEVER missed class or asked for a day off other than for Peace Corps training or the one day I was so sick I passed out in class. I did not use this in my request, but I knew it would be considered when making the decision. I explained to them that I had plans to attend a cultural service on one of the High Holidays of my people, that it was very important to me, but that if my class could not be rearranged, I would attend and teach. I was respectful. I was amenable. I got a response, "we must go higher, this is not a low level decision." So I waited for two days before approaching my Associate Dean again, and his response was? "We got approval for you to reschedule your one class. The department heads had a meeting and did Internet research. They see this is one of the most important of your people's festivals, and so we will be happy to reschedule your class."

I find this to be a small victory here in China, both personal and cultural. My religion is not recognized here. Most religion is considered taboo or simply unacceptable. The willingness of my very party-centric school to both research, acquiesce, and so respectfully comply with my request goes to show that hard work, respect, and simply asking for what you want can have a very positive impact on the environment one finds oneself in. I came here to teach, both inside and outside of the classroom, and I consider tolerance and acceptance of others one of my most important lessons. It really felt special to be allowed this special privilege, and I hope the school administrators learned just a little bit more about me in the process.

A sincere thank you to my school for allowing me this holiest of days to fast, reflect, and atone.

Had I Known...Packing for China

I was recently going through the ridiculous amount of shoes I brought with me to Peace Corps China (I wear a size 10.5 narrow in women's, an impossible size to find in China) and it got me thinking. Would I have packed this way again if I knew then what I know now? The answer probably won't surprise anyone: no.

I would not have brought only one t-shirt and two tank tops. I would have stocked up on essential food items. I would have left my hiking boots, hammock, and sleeping bag liner at home. I would have brought more short dresses and one more pair of comfortable high heels. I would have left my water bottles at home (except a sport bottle for running. I would have brought one of those.) I wouldn't have brought quite so much underwear.

To begin to explain this list, I must address a few things. Peace Corps demands that we dress a certain way immediately after stepping off the plane. We must be professional. This means no shorts, tank tops, or short dresses. It includes covered shoulders at all times and appropriate footwear. I ignored the footwear issues (thank goodness) and brought multiple pairs of flip-flops, a sturdy pair of Merrel rain-resistant (attractive) boots, and my Chacos (the main reason I regret bringing hiking boots.) 

The PC (Peace Corps) staff tell us that nobody wears shorts in China (not true) and to leave them at home. Where I would never wear shorts in my classroom, on hot Chengdu summer days, they are a lifesaver! I made sure to bring shorts that cover nearly to my knees, but I've seen women in shorts here that don't reach below their shirt hems. Shoulders and cleavage are taboo here, but butt cheek seems to be the norm. So I get a point for ignoring the shorts rule and bringing two pairs, one of which I can't wear as I've lost too much weight, but I have a second pair that have a drawstring and they are still wearable!

The t-shirt thing is tough. I brought one oversized flowing t-shirt and it is white. I wish now that I had brought more clothes for layering. I brought four sweaters and one sweatshirt. I wish I had tanks and t-shirts to go under them. I only brought two tanks. One is for sleeping, so I'm lacking in that department. Where I could have done with only two sweaters, because we sweat a lot here, more layering clothes is better. I would have brought at least three class-appropriate t-shirts and three layering tanks. 

I brought two pairs of linen pants, one pair of dress pants, a suit, four maxi skirts, one maxi dress (a gift, thanks Martha!!!), and two professional dresses. Discounting weight loss (the dresses and pants and most of the skirts are now a little too big), this was simply too much. The suit I have worn one time. Once! The linen pants are my summer classroom staple. I wear them all the time. China summers are extremely hot and there is no air conditioning in most schools, so loose light clothing is a must. The maxi skirts have been great too, but I could have saved some room by only bringing two. If I could do it again, I would have brought a grey and black one instead of the grey, black, black and grey, and navy and white striped one that I did bring. The Chinese are very vain about clothing, but they aren't hoarders. Your students can't have too many clothes in their dorms, so they wear the same thing over and over. Just make sure to do laundry once a week and you should be fine!

I brought a few collared shirts. I like these because I can layer them. I can put them under sweaters or over t-shirts. I have a chambray shirt that I wear for nearly everything. I pop it over my maxi dress for a casual walk-around-campus look. I layer it under sweaters for class. I grab it and tie it around my waist just in case I get cold. It's my most versatile piece and I would have been lost without it. Bringing pieces that can be worn multiple ways is key here in China.

Really, that's the key. Bring as little clothing as possible that can be worn a multitude of ways. I can dress up or down my maxi skirts and linen pants. The dress pants are good for winter, so I'm glad I have them, but I should have left the suit at home along with the office-friendly dresses. The lining makes them too hot for summer teaching and in winter you need layers. A thin set of tights just doesn't do it. 

Underwear: don't bring a ton of this. The Chinese don't believe in washing underwear in washing machines. For one, they don't use hot water, so they think it's a bacteria haven if you put socks and undies inside their washers. At site, you can do what you want, but you may find during your host family PST stay that the method of hand-washing is not so bad. I hand-wash then hang my undies. I also pop them in the washer once they are dry, but I brought over 30 pairs of undies and like 12 bras. What a waste of space! You could get away with 4 pairs of underwear and two bras if you time drying time right. I also found that I walk so much that I prefer wearing sports bras most of the time for support. I lament the amount of undergarments I brought on the daily. 

Socks: I brought a lot of running socks and a few hiking socks. I'm happy I brought socks. They are a pain to dry and you need them! I also brought tights to go under dresses. I've worn my tights one time. If you don't wear them a ton in the States, don't bring tights. I wear actual pants under my dresses and skirts in the winter. Tights aren't warm enough.

Fitness clothing: okay, full disclosure: I am now the editor of the Health Corps (shout out!!!) Newsletter, so I have to talk about health and fitness. The majority of my non-classroom clothing is fitness related. Yoga pants, tanks with built-in sports bras with flowing fabric, running tanks, running tights, etc. I found that I brought waaaaaay too much of this stuff that is technically inappropriate. Where I wear it to do yoga in my home and that's fine, I can't run outside in it. My fitness regime usually includes a lot of running, long walks, indoor calisthenics, and yoga followed by meditation a few days a week. While here, I purchased a balance ball, a yoga mat (to go under my travel Manduka mat), dumbbells, resistance bands, and weighted balls I use as mini-medicine balls. I've yet to find a kettle-ball, but I digress. There is no reason to bring workout equipment. You can find it all here. As for those fancy yoga tops: don't bring them. Open backs and uncovered shoulders are taboo here. Bring something that can do double-duty. I ended up buying an ill-fitting workout tee here and just making due. 

What I'm super glad I brought on the fitness front: running tights and thick yoga pants. I'm also 5'9" with a long torso and that means finding pants and tops is nearly impossible for me in China. Running tights that transition after washing as layering garments and thick yoga pants that do the same (especially skinny yoga pants) have been a lifesaver for me. The winter can be really cold and there is no heat or AC in my classrooms, so layering is key, especially in winter. My running tights have gone from the track to under maxi skirts multiple times this year!

I brought two metal water bottles (I abhor plastic) and a metal travel tea mug (I don't drink coffee). This was stupid. Where I was afraid I wouldn't be able to find BPA-free plastic bottles (this is still iffy) the Chinese are OBSESSED with water bottles. You can find glass bottles everywhere and I've even found metal ones. You do not have to bring your own. It's a waste of space.

Towels. Bring them. Textiles are expensive here and most are low quality. You can find towels, but I am so insanely glad I brought my own! I have a towel wrap and hair towel as well as micro-fiber towels to put on my yoga mat or bring with me to the gym and I could not be patting myself on the back more right now. Towels are essential.

So what do I really regret bringing? As I said before: my hiking/camping gear. People don't really camp here. It's starting to be more of a thing, but there aren't camping grounds and it's seen as strange to sleep outdoors. I can hike in my Chacos, which take up far less space than my boots and make more sense. I didn't hike at all during the winter. To be honest, I've gone hiking once since I got here. I just haven't had time to allot to taking a three hour bus ride out of the city for hiking. I miss the mountains and I would love to go hiking and camping, but it isn't an easy drive or a quick overnight. Part of traveling here is checking in with the local police, letting Peace Corps know where you are and where you are staying (hard to do while camping and when I spoke to Safety & Security they admitted that they prefer us not camp at all during service) and accounting travel time on unreliable transportation into the trip. Also, Peace Corps service is a 24/7 job. You are expected to be reachable at all times. Maybe it's a weird fear, but I'm unwilling to jeopardize my service for a few hours of hiking. 

That being said, there are gorgeous places in China for hiking and camping. I've just not met anyone that has been able to go more than once or twice during service. It is a sacrifice, but I wouldn't trade the experience I am having for a few hikes. If I had known all this, I would have left these items at home. My hammock and sleeping bag liner take up very little space, but my boots are bulky. There was no reason for me to bring those AND hiking sandals. I recommend leaving the bulky hiking/camping gear at home.

Other things to leave at home: ill fitting shoes of any kind. I have some flats that kill my feet. I never wear them. Large shampoo or conditioner, body wash, etc. soap and the like can all be purchased here.

What to definitely bring: razor blades, deodorant, mouthwash, toothpaste, and food items. The Chinese have sugar-filled toothpaste, a lack of any type of solid deodorant, salt flavored mouthwash, and razors are either expensive or useless. I went to Costco before I came and got razor blades. Everyone I know wishes they had brought two years worth of deodorant.

Food: spices can be found here, but if there is anything you know you will miss, bring it. I am from the MD/DC area and I have a can of Old Bay Hot on me at all times. I was born in CT and brought a maple sugar block for my host family as a gift. Things I miss here include olives (completely unavailable except through taobao, and they only have cans of black olives), nut butters (you can make these if you get a food processor but nuts are expensive), and cacao powder (you can get this on taobao, but it's also expensive).

Basically, pack lighter than you think you need to. I would have been fine bringing half the amount of everything I did bring. I was so caught up in the "two years," part that I didn't really realize that two years isn't that long when you only need to get dressed seven times a week and rotating or wearing the same thing here is totally acceptable. I hope this helps any future Peace Corps China Volunteers while packing! Oh! Also! Most of us ordered traditional Chinese dresses and jackets/tops for swearing-in, so even that wasn't really an issue!  Good luck packing!

Yes, it does mean you are a racist/misogynist/bigot, or, How You Have Placed Your Head in the Sand

I believe personal politics are private. Whom one votes for should never be required information or demanded from anyone. If one votes for a misogynistic and racist candidate, though, one must assume some sense of responsibility for that personal choice, I just don't need to know about it. Feel guilty? Advertising articles about minority women who made the same choice or articles entitled, 'No, I'm not a Racist,' then defending your vote for the representative of your nation who is a proven racist/misogynist does not get you off the hook. In fact, it only proves what is glaringly obvious to the rest of us: you have no ability to think for yourself or see what you have done. You are so busy defending your actions you haven't seen WHY other people have a problem with it.

Let's start with the most obvious part of why this election stank: the Electoral College. Most people who voted for the Republican candidate do not realize that their candidate lost the popular vote. Most people do not want this man to represent them. The majority of the country who did actually cast their ballot voted for HRC. He lost, even though the electoral college voted him in, the truth is that he isn't the person most voters believe represent them. Period. 

This is why your fellow citizens are protesting. It is the antiquated system they have a problem with first and foremost. Where more people can say, "no, we want her," and yet, a man that represents fewer of the population's choice can be elected into office, that's the main problem here.

Let's move onto racism. Why are you racist if you chose to vote for Donald Trump? Well, to start, he ran a campaign not centered on factual information, but on manufactured lies when he brought up any kind of statistical data. He used generalizations like, (paraphrasing) 'Mexicans are rapists and drug dealers,' which, if you aren't a racist, you know to be untrue. He wants to build a wall to keep Mexicans from crossing the border. I can only assume this is to keep drugs out of our country, but if one knows anything about drug cartels, they already have ways of getting over, around, under, and through walls. If it is to keep hard working Mexicans from attempting to find day laborer jobs or visiting their families, well, that seems like something better dealt with by reassessing our economy. If you are a nurse, a teacher, or even a factory worker, those jobs are most likely not being taken by Mexican illegal immigrants. As I tell my students here when they say something ignorant, "read a book!" Gain some knowledge about how Mexican illegal immigration actually affects our country. It provides cheap labor for jobs often unfilled by middle class and even lower class Americans. You would know this if you ever bothered to read up on the subject, but it is easier to just listen to rhetoric and hate people based on your economy that the Bush administration tanked, right? Don't blame the people actually responsible. Blame people who, like your ancestors, are simply looking to provide a better life for their families. Finders keepers, right? We found this land and slaughtered the indigenous population, so it's ours now.  I imagine these Trump supporters in a treehouse with a 'No Minorities Allowed' sign. They also have a 'No Girls Allowed,' sign, but that's next on my list.

So if you voted for Trump, you voted for a man who is a proven racist. Does this make you racist? No. It makes you willing and a participant in labeling all of America racists. Let me tell you something most people have forgotten about politics. The President is our highest representative. He is the face and the speech of all of us, every single one. That's why those of us with highly developed thought processes and educated reasoning behind our opinions are so pissed off that the rest of you voted a man in who thinks that all Mexicans are rapists and drug dealers. 

Then there is the issue of closing the borders to all refugees and labeling all Muslims. There are currently more Muslims in the world than any other religion. It is the fastest growing religion EVER. Christianity is passé. Buddhism is out. Atheists? Good luck, most Atheists are highly educated intellectuals and the majority of the world's population (and obviously America's) are not this type. So...you want to run our country based on good Christian values? You elected a businessman with low moral fiber to forge this bond to God? You think God will save you from the BILLIONS of Muslims on this planet? Seriously? You think creating more divides with the Middle East, distancing ourselves from allies like China (more on this later) and labeling all Muslims as terrorists doesn't make you a racist? Oh, okay, so you didn't label all Muslims as terrorists, just the candidate you voted for, right? Let me remind you: your candidate is an extension of you. He is your voice in the government. What he says DOES reflect you. If we could pick and choose what parts of a man or woman to represent us and what parts to silence, we would have a different world, but this is your voice. He is an extension of you. So yes, his opinions are your opinions, and that means that when he spouts racist rhetoric to get votes and you vote for him, that is you spouting that rhetoric. It's our entire country. So, if you voted for Donald Trump, part of you is Donald Trump. The part that is American. The part that chose him to represent all of our voices to our friends and our enemies, foreign and domestic.

Women. He grabs them by the pussy. This isn't something I expect the majority of the male Trump supporter group to understand, and the female group even less so. If a woman, in good conscious, voted for a man who has grabbed, fondled, kissed, etc. women without consent, those women haven't ever been taught that they have a voice. They haven't learned that there is an alternative to being less than a man, that equality doesn't mean abandoning traditional values or even Christian values if one wishes, it simply gives a woman an option to choose for herself. These women who voted for Trump have accepted that they are pieces of meat to him and most of the male society and they have accepted that this is okay and unchangeable. For someone like me, who is living overseas and spreading the message that Americans are caring, hardworking, and intelligent people, it has become difficult for me to answer my students' questions. 'Why doesn't your President care about protecting women?' 'Why do your people hate other people?' These questions commingled with questions about whether they will be shot if they visit America are the questions I answer more than any other. They truly believe that in America women are objects and that we all play a subservient role to all men. Even in Christianity this is not acceptable. One is subservient to one's father and then one's husband, but voting for Trump, whose "locker room talk," means admitting to sexual assault (a physical crime committed, not just "hurt feelings" like so many people on Facebook who use the word "libtard" freely like to say) means voting for a man who has repeatedly stated that women are only valuable if they are beautiful to look at. He's cheated on every one of his wives. He's been accused of sexual assault, rape, and sexual misconduct going back all the way to the early 80s. Contrary to what some (mostly male) Trump supporters state, these accusations have not been manufactured since he began running for president. They have been in existence for decades. 

The comparison to Bill Clinton's affairs is glaring. Bill Clinton is a philanderer, which is technically his business, but his acts were all (to current knowledge) consensual. Donald Trump has admitted to committing actual crimes by touching women without consent and whether they told him to stop or not. Also, whether they were married or not or attached or not. 

Why is this a problem? It normalizes sexual assault. It teaches our children that "locker room talk" is not only acceptable, but encouraged. But it goes a step further. This man didn't just talk about these acts. He did them. He also cheated on each of his three wives (assuming the third since the conversation had with Billy Bush was after his wedding to Melania Trump.) By voting for Trump, you said to your boys, "it's okay to touch girls when they don't want you to. It's okay because that's what they are there for. It is especially okay if you have money and/or power." Don't be surprised if your daughters realize early that their bodies aren't for them. They belong to the male population of the United States. You know, in some ancient cultures, the king was allowed to sleep with virgin brides on their wedding nights before the groom. This is a nice visual, right? A woman screaming and crying as she is raped by the king, a man supposed to be in a role to protect her and keep her safe? That's what you just elected into office. That's what you've enforced for your daughters and your sons. That if you are President, it's okay to grab women by the pussy...

Abortion will happen whether you make it illegal or not. Statistically, better access to education and birth control reduce the number of unwanted pregnancy, but the new administration will repeal these methods. They will erase the ability of women to get counseling in the event they have an unwanted pregnancy. They wish to repeal Roe v. Wade. They wish to leave your daughters with no choice in how to proceed with sex and pregnancy before, during, or after pregnancy. The message is clear: anyone who is of child bearing age who has sex should be punished with a child. Society should be punished with unwanted children. Women who have life threatening diseases should just die rather than terminate a pregnancy. The possibility for life is more important than life that already exists. Period.

The Bible states that Adam was created by the dust of the earth and lived only when God breathed life into him, meaning Adam was not alive until he took his first intake of breath, yet most Evangelical Christians believe life begins at conception. This is repudiated in Genesis. The first breath a body takes on its own, away from the mother's body, is the moment life begins. God in this instance was both father and mother, but the Bible is clear: first breath equals life. Take away standard medical science. Disregard that late term abortion is actually illegal in all but the most extreme health cases. The Bible, what so many people site as their reasoning for being pro-life, states that Adam did not live until he took his first breath. Breathing on one's own determines life by that definition, and taking away access to abortion will lead us back to back-room unsterile abortions and coat-hangers in bathtubs. Many more lives will be lost. How on earth can one believe that reducing access to birth control and abortions can possibly make this country great again? Roe v. Wade was a landmark case because it gave women the option of not having to feel dirty or be punished for a decision they AND A MAN made that is a perfectly natural urge. Like eating, sex is something we crave for survival. Punishing someone for life because of one decision, or a rape, is like putting someone to death for eating an apple. Even God simply banished Adam and Eve, he didn't destroy their lives, just made them move out of dad's house.

I live in China. I joined the United States Peace Corps because I love my country. I chose a different kind of service than my father who was US Army. I chose to serve in a way that spread peace and education around the world. I did this not because I don't respect the military or our veterans (I do) but because I knew my skills are in explaining and helping on a smaller scale of non-violent actions. I didn't choose my placement in China. It was chosen for me. Now, it's a scary place to be. We are here because this is the largest population in the world and the country is developed. This isn't what we used to call a "third world country," and these people are well educated. They have access to education publicly through college for very low cost. They have a much larger educated population than anywhere else on earth. Maybe not percentage wise, but on a pure numbers volume, China far surpasses the US. So why are we here? It should be obvious. To form good relations. To spread goodwill and to trade cultures. If you aren't afraid of Trump's plan for distancing the US from China, you should be. An economic powerhouse with more educated citizens and no religious rhetoric bogging down this mostly atheist nation, the US should be afraid of pissing China off. I know as a resident teacher here, I have selfish reasons for wanting trade and relations to remain stable, much like most Trump supporters had selfish reasons for voting for him. China and India and the Middle East know next to nothing about your "Great America," they don't care, and they have the ability to destroy you. You think you are a superpower, but when the majority of your people vote a man into office who promises global change that could tank economies worldwide, well, they don't look like a threat, they simply look stupid.

As for gay rights, I won't even go there, because it's clear that if you voted for the Trump/Pence ticket, you simply don't care about people who aren't exactly like you on that front. Anyone who loves their gay cousin/uncle/sibling could not possibly vote for anyone who put Mike Pence on their ticket with them. So I must assume you are indeed a bigot.

So you voted for Trump but you aren't any of these things? You chose a man who consistently cajoled and demeaned women, minorities, gays, the disabled, and even captured veterans (who you claim to respect so much) and you said, "yup, that man represents me and I want him to be the voice of this country," and you wonder why people like me think you are a racist misogynistic bigot? Really?

That brings me to my last point: I am so sorry. I am so sorry this country failed you. We failed to educate you on the American Government, on what it means to be President, in what it means to pick a representative. We failed to educate you on how to fact check and fact find and truly dig into the truth and think for yourself and make decisions based on research and understanding. We failed our women. We failed to show them that they aren't all required to be victims their entire lives and subservient and take abuse. We failed our children in showing them how to accept each other and learn from our differences. We failed. We failed them all. Swastikas spray painted on walls, trans people beaten, Middle School students chanting, "build a wall, build a wall," at their classmates. These are the reasons we have failed and these are the reasons we label you bigots and misogynists and racists. You have normalized this behavior. You have accepted it. You have made excuses for it. You have created it with something as simple as a vote. 

Maybe you love your gay neighbors, your black grocer, and your Mexican doctor, but you voted to keep them down. You voted to make it acceptable for others to attack and belittle and demean them. You stood on the sidelines and not only did you watch, you said, "this is okay." You made this happen. You want to know why you are these things? Because you said, "okay." 

Here's a secret: I don't like HRC. I think the DNC deserved to lose. They put a candidate into the running that they knew most people couldn't get behind. She has scandals and obvious ties to corruption. It was like voting for Francis Underwood. The DNC deserved to lose. But by electing Trump, the American people lose. Either way, we all lose, but that doesn't eliminate the fact that a vote for Trump did in fact make you a racist, misogynistic bigot. You can't run from that, sorry. 

Finding Oneself Through Service

As my newsfeed on FB begins to fill with my friends beginning their long trek across the US from their homes to Black Rock City, I'm reminded of a major life event I haven't undertaken: Burning Man. I've been to regional events and parties. I've volunteered and done ranging shifts. I've found some of my closest friends, yet I've never taken that step. I've never gone to the desert this last week in August to dance, experience art, and just find myself lost in the experience of BM.

Two years ago this week, I went to Utah the week before BM started. I got on a plane with hopes of counseling young minds in the Utah desert at a survival camp for at-risk youth. That dream didn't quite work out for me, but it lead me back home and back to my family and friends. Of course, a year later I applied to the Peace Corps, and now, here I am...in China. My group of trainees swear in today. We commit the next two years of our lives to service to our country and volunteering in our individually placed communities. I look back on the last few years and I am reminded that there are any number of ways to find oneself, to challenge oneself, and to commit oneself to the service of others.

I began my journey attempting to find a place I fit in this world at birth. I've never felt a sense of normalcy or "humanness," in my life. I've always felt like there was a chip missing or that I was somehow different from others. I've felt compelled to go just a little bit further and just a little bit farther. I love adrenaline and extreme sports, and I seek out-of-the-ordinary experiences to fill my life. When I was very little, I tried to fit in, to find that chip that so many other people have, and to find my "place," among the popular girls and the people wanting to get married or settle down. Five years ago, when I first went back to school, I was with a wonderful man who ended up leaving me, accusing me of needing "a big life," by this time, though, I knew something implicitly, "yeah, well, I only get one! I better make it count!" 

So here I am, five years later, no longer stumbling around looking for my place. I'm making it. I'm creating my own future. It doesn't look exactly like what I thought it would and it definitely doesn't look like most everyone else's. I made a different life for myself. I forged a different path. I am dedicating the next two years of my life to serving my country, the country I find myself in, and my students. I joined the Peace Corps because I wanted to give of myself. I wanted to experience a life that was dedicated to being a better person and never giving up on that dream. I made it happen. That's why I have so little sympathy for those who complain about their situations. Do something about it. This world is big and experiences are unlimited. The only limits you truly have are the ones you place on yourself.

I've found my place through service. What will you find when you stop making excuses?

Saying Goodbye to CDU

I woke up before the sun...as I always do, and I began reflecting on my PST so far at CDU. I have learned so much here both about China and about myself. My host family lives a very different life than my family back home. I've seen some wonderful things, some shocking things, and some valuable things. I've fallen in love with a puppy and he's fallen in love with me. I've eaten new foods, had to overcome language barriers, and studied for hours a day. I had one of the worst exams I've ever experienced, feeling like I was completely unprepared for what happened to me once I sat down. I've felt let down and propped up. I sang at KTV and danced in a classroom. Overall, it was a rewarding and significant experience that I will take with me always.

My host family lives at their store most of the time, but I slept in their three-bedroom apartment that they own a block away. It's always been my dream to be able to walk to work. Now I know why. The convenience of having your entire life in just a few city blocks is unparallelled. It's been a fantastic experience walking everywhere I need to go. Shopping in Chengdu is an interesting experience. There are many stores, including convenience stores, fruit sellers on the street, markets, clothing stores, and mini department/CVS stores everywhere, but they all carry the exact same items. Looking for a dress? You can go to your local shop and buy it there or you can go to a mall and buy it there for twice the price! Need a bottle of water? The store underneath your apartment sells them as does the street vendor sitting outside the bus station (be careful there, though, as that same vendor was rifling through the trash looking for empty bottles yesterday...) Would you like a vegetarian pancake wrap? Well, there is an entire line of vendors that set up shop in the evenings less than two blocks away! There are also restaurants everywhere, but only three real varieties: noodle restaurants (mian fanguanr), rice restaurants (mi fan fanguanr) with local dishes, and hot pot (huo guo). These are your options, folks!

Shopping on the weekends is a surreal experience. Stores set up huge stands in front of them and blare music on repeat (sometimes American, like yesterday when the clothing store next to my host family's store was blaring a song requesting all female listeners, "make that booty clap.") Sometimes they have games or prizes you can win. They can be quite elaborate in the system one must undertake to win the prizes, like the one I recently witnessed where one bought an item, won a chance to break a golden egg, and picked a prize based on the ticket inside.

The school itself is beautiful. The classrooms in some buildings are being redone right now. We had our model school in one of the older buildings. It was a fascinating and very hot experience, but it was lovely working with all these amazing kids. Stephen and I chose the younger kids to work with and I'm glad we did. It was nice to see where my future students probably came from and what they were like only a few short years ago.

The CDU campus is wide open with many trees and lily ponds. It's beautiful walking around it and seeing all there is to take in. We even had a PCT versus China Host Family basketball game where my host mama and I both played!

Speaking of my host mama, this morning she came into my room as I was writing this and told me I sneezed because the air conditioning was on. I told her it was just dust. She didn't understand that. Then I asked her for some space and quiet so I could finish writing this blog, so she sat down on my bed and started listening to her voice messages on WeChat on her speaker as loud as it would go. This is what China is like, very little personal space or understanding of needing space or quiet. Kids read out loud in class as a unit to memorize and study and people just don't get that your space or body is off limits for them to touch or comment on. I've been called "fat," "older than I look," and "too tall," many times since coming here. My friend's host mom makes fun of my laugh and screams in my face until I respond in English, laughing hysterically, then doing it all over again. These are the parts of China that have been a test in patience. 

Yet these people also took me around the lake I love to run at in the evenings and joked with me and tried to get to know me despite the language barrier. They fed me and clothed me and took me into their homes and made me a part of their families. That is why the barrier doesn't exist. It's why she opens my door and comes in and sits on my bed and pinches my elbow and tells me I'm getting thinner and that too much AC is bad for one's health. She cares. She cares that I get enough food and enough exercise and enough fresh air. 

Last night, Xiao Fu came over, dropped onto his side, and put his head directly on my foot. My host mama said, "tommorrow, Xiao Fu will be sad. He will miss Sūn Méi." This morning she said, "when Sūn Méi gets to CNU, she send email to mama." Yes, this family is overbearing and a little too in my business. It's not that different from my family back home really. I will definitely miss them and CDU. It's been a hell of an experience!

Hard or Soft Taozi

I've been having a debate with my host mama although I'm not sure she 100% knows it. Every time she gives me a peach to eat, I gently push on the flesh to see how hard/soft it is. If it is too hard (I like ripe peaches) I hand it back and say, "wo bu yao!" (I don't want) she then shoves the peach back at me saying, "hao chi! Hao chi!" (Delicious, delicious!) I stare at her, shaking my head, and repeat, "wo bu yao!" Sometimes I knock it with my knuckles and give her the side-eye like, 'how could you give me this rock to break my teeth on?!?!' I've told her I didn't want it because it wasn't ripe, but in China, it's simply a piece of fruit. There is no real word for "ripe." This concept is foreign to her. If you have a piece of fruit, you eat it. There is no waiting period for ripeness to develop. Yet for me, eating a hard crunchy peach is sacrilegious.

I posed this question to my Site Manager, Chloe, a Chinese woman who has experience overseas and she laughed and told me that this is an actual debate online here in China: Which is better? Hard or soft peaches? 

Let that sink in for a moment. In China, there is a debate on whether peaches are better crisp or juicy... They say that crisp like an apple or sweet and juicy and soft are the two types of ripeness for the fruit. This is an actual ongoing debate/conversation, yet they have no real word to describe ripeness that is understood the way Americans do. It's a linguistic lacking in my humble opinion.

Here, the Taoist teachings say fruit has two parts like yin and yang. I spoke to my Language teacher and she explained that there is an ancient Chinese tradition that says that eating the skin AND the flesh provides a person with balance. In China, people peel almost all fruit because they believe this prevents them from injesting pesticides. You would not believe the conversations I've had about pesticides, antioxidants, and organic farming methods since I got here. Chinese people are fascinated by the concept of systemic fruit. I had to explain that even most Americans don't understand how fruit actually grows and that systemic fruit has pesticides throughout the flesh.  Throwing away the peel only prevents one from injesting the part of the fruit with the highest concentration of antioxidants and doesn't prevent one from injesting pesticides basically at all. 

But back to the soft versus hard debate, if I could use a peach as a hammer, I don't want to try and put it anywhere near my mouth. Period. Sometimes I get a beautiful and magical ripe peach, perfect in its soft and juicy glory. Those are happy days indeed. Even my closest friend here has gotten in on this and sends me messages every time he gets a decently ripe peach. Sometimes the pictures he sends with the messages are downright pornographic. This is how we entertain ourselves in China. We send each other well lit pictures of the juicy ripe fruit our Zhongguo mamas give us. It's a hard life...