I myself have a mother. She's wonderfully complicated and complex and funny and dedicated and loyal. She's the type of mom who, when I wanted to go on the BIG slide as a youngster, hid her fear and said, "okay, honey!" And she sat at the bottom, watching me speed up the ladder, always ready to catch me. She also let me jump off the high dive, ride my bike around our mountain community at breakneck speeds (sometimes with no hands), and try pretty much anything I wanted at least once. She says now that many times her heart was racing and she had to stifle a small gasp, unwilling to allow her fear for my safety to overshadow my need for adventure and discovery. She did not instill my sense of wonder and curiosity. As my dad tells it, I was born with that, but she took it and ran with it and cultivated it.
My parents and me...looking curios.
There she is...looking gorgeous and carefree as I make faces in the background.
My mom and dad singing karaoke in their basement...see that ethereal halo of light surrounding my mom? Typical...
Wow...the four of us just hanging out...that hair!
In elementary school, my mom used to come to my classroom once a week and play guitar or read an age appropriate book to my class, usually some gold medal winner. She would request that for one hour, we all pay attention to the story and put away notes and homework and just experience literature with her. I took this so seriously that when I caught a girl in my row doing homework as my mom was reading, I looked at her menacingly. She smiled at me sheepishly. I narrowed my eyes and shook my head once. She put her homework away. I didn't talk to the girl for a week, but she never did homework while my mom was reading ever again. I don't think I ever told my mom that story, so surprise Mom! I believe now that these moments, coupled with my mom introducing me at night to the world of Narnia and the Ox Cart Man, made me a more imaginative child. As I grew older, my mom gave me non-age-appropriate books, because I loved to read. Despite not always understanding all the themes, I grew a deep and profound respect for stories and those who tell them. I truly believe it's how I found my creative outlet, writing. I knew I was a writer in second grade. I had other artistic endeavors over the years most instilled by my mother's own zeal for creativity and need to create, but writing and reading have always been the old standbys that get me through anything. I am lucky I come from a family who reads. I am even luckier that my parents read to me and even luckier that it was so important to my mom that she even shared it with my classmates.
In my teen years, I was incredibly difficult (sorry mom...and dad!) I had raging hormones that just wouldn't let me be happy or nice. I struggled in those years to find my identity and to be empathic with my family. I think all that empathy got stored for later and sometimes overflows at times. My mom now says I'm too emotional, but I digress. I was a shitty teen. My mom was angelic. Sometimes she lost her patience and her temper, but for the most part, she just kept going. Like the brick she is. She just kept trucking. Like always. She had some bouts of loneliness and sadness after we moved to Maryland, and it definitely affected my brother and me, but the important thing we saw was that she tried. She still tried to find community and to volunteer and she hauled me to swim practice and my brother to camp and guitar and she tried to do her art and she planned vacations and she made dinner. She showed me that no feeling is too overwhelming to at least make a salad. And later, when I went through my own bouts of sadness, she would say, "did you eat today, honey?" And even in my teen years, she managed to find good things about me. She said once with a giant smile on her face, "Meri, I always know where you are in a room. You are always the one dancing, even when there is no music on!" I attribute this trait to her. She will sing anywhere. The car, the kitchen, the grocery store, the dressing room at Victoria's Secret. It's as if my mom has tapped into some higher consciousness where it's always a party and everyone is invited. Nothing in this world is so bad that you can't sing along to Marvin Gaye or Aretha Franklin for a moment. Nobody is that busy or tired or sad. Come on, people! This is music!
In my twenties, my mom told me that I needed to finish college and find something rewarding to do with my life, like join the Peace Corps. So what did I do? Well, spoiler alert, I finished school and joined the Peace Corps. Do you know why? Because my mom also gave me other things too. She gave me an incredible respect and deep love of education. She helped my dad finish school and she pushed me to do the same. She regaled us with stories about how much she loved college and how it changed her as a human being. And she found a way to get my dad through school even once I came along and she found a way to make sure I finished too. She's the biggest cheerleader in our family. And when we went on a bike ride right after I went back to school, I rode behind her on the big hill leading back to the condo saying things like, "you can do it mom! Just a little farther! Almost to the top! You got this!" Where do you think I learned this behavior? That's right. From my mom. "You can do it honey!" Was the most repeated phrase from my childhood. I was never taught to fear or to accept defeat. I was taught that practice makes perfect and that I could do anything. No gender identity was assigned to me nor role in society required. As far as my mother was concerned, I could do or be anything or anybody I wanted, and she wasn't going to let anybody tell me different. She is the reason I'm not scared now of my own future.
Now, as an adult in my thirties, I can see the little idiosyncrasies that make up my mom as a whole person. Her personality traits, some of which she's passed onto me and some to my brother. For one, when my mom finds something that works for her, she can't wait to tell you about it...and to tell you to do it too!!! Because she wants the best for everyone all the time. If she found a new lifestyle change or diet or homeopathic remedy, you will hear about it. If she finds a list she thinks you need to know about, she will probably print out cards, laminate them, hand them out, and tell you and everyone else she knows to put it in your wallet. Because my mom is at heart an educator. She's learned and she knows that knowledge is power. It gives us the ability to not only change our own lives, but also the lives of others, and my mom feels a deep responsibility to spread knowledge. She gave me that personality trait too.
Basically, nothing in my life would have been possible without this amazing woman I get to call my mom, and every single person who comes across her path is better for knowing her. She is an enlightened being on so many levels, she has been put through hell by both her children at different times and also been given great prideful and peaceful moments by them. She has walked through both with more grace and patience than she gives herself credit for. She is the person that would take the fork that fell on the floor at dinner time and eat the pancakes with the yucky syrup and not complain about any of it. She is constantly trying to make this world a better place and will stop at nothing to make that happen. She loves animals, her husband, and indoor plants more than anybody I've ever met, and she loves her children even more. But the best thing she showed me, the absolute most fantastic thing she instilled in me, was that even when you aren't feeling so great about yourself, when things suck or you feel your self-esteem slipping, it's okay, just don't let it become a habit and always, always remember this: you can do or be ANYTHING!
