My Truth

Last night I got to drive out of Washington, DC and look at the monuments that have so clearly defined "home" for me the last over decade of my life. I drove away knowing that I may never see them again and probably not for at least two years. I drove away from a hotel where one of the most amazing people I have ever met is staying because she just HAD to see me one last time before I leave for China. I drove away knowing that I'm terrified of my next adventure.

I'm not scared in the traditional sense. I'm scared because I am about to find out who I really am. While I go on my journey in the Peace Corps, I'm going to face new challenges. Challenges involving language barriers, cultural differences, and isolation. I'm going to encounter things that I can't even imagine and I'm probably going to do that alone.

Up until this decision, most of my life has been dedicated to helping the people in my life feel better about themselves. At my going away party, after a relatively traumatic event occurred, my friends sat around a fire pit and told me what they knew about me, and almost every single one had the same thing to say, "Meredith is my safe space. The one who listens and doesn't judge and who I call when I just need someone to talk to." I'm amazed at this. It's not that I don't know it's true. It's that I didn't realize how far-reaching my ability to just be present really goes. How much it meant to these people. How much I meant to them. Hearing it out loud changed my view of my place in this world.

As I drove past monuments and buildings dedicated to my country tonight, I felt pride and joy that I'm becoming one of the many volunteers of the United Stares Peace Corps. Living in the DC metro area gives me a unique perspective on this country's culture, politics, and morals. I have been exposed to the best and the brightest. Being a Peace Corps volunteer is not actually that unique here, yet it is. Giving of oneself to one's country for two years, volunteering and growing internally in a foreign land, that is something special anywhere. It sticks out. 

For so much of my life I just wanted to blend in. In second grade I invited the cool girls to my birthday party instead of the girls who were my real friends. I did that because I so desperately wanted to be accepted. As I grew older, I began to realize that being different did not mean I wouldn't be accepted or find wonderful people in my life. In fact, I would argue that it helped me establish one of the kindest, gentlest, most intelligent friend groups I've ever encountered. My unique gifts allowed me to draw people of varying races, religions, and socio-economic backgrounds into my circle and hold them tight. I no longer think that being "normal" is something to strive for. It was that realization that has allowed me to write openly about things some people believe should be "kept private," because I don't care if some people judge me. If I help even one person with my truth, any negative consequence is worth it. I am proud of my journey. It has led me here. I am proud of my country and my family and friends. I hope to serve you well and always tell my truth.