Finding Oneself Through Service

As my newsfeed on FB begins to fill with my friends beginning their long trek across the US from their homes to Black Rock City, I'm reminded of a major life event I haven't undertaken: Burning Man. I've been to regional events and parties. I've volunteered and done ranging shifts. I've found some of my closest friends, yet I've never taken that step. I've never gone to the desert this last week in August to dance, experience art, and just find myself lost in the experience of BM.

Two years ago this week, I went to Utah the week before BM started. I got on a plane with hopes of counseling young minds in the Utah desert at a survival camp for at-risk youth. That dream didn't quite work out for me, but it lead me back home and back to my family and friends. Of course, a year later I applied to the Peace Corps, and now, here I am...in China. My group of trainees swear in today. We commit the next two years of our lives to service to our country and volunteering in our individually placed communities. I look back on the last few years and I am reminded that there are any number of ways to find oneself, to challenge oneself, and to commit oneself to the service of others.

I began my journey attempting to find a place I fit in this world at birth. I've never felt a sense of normalcy or "humanness," in my life. I've always felt like there was a chip missing or that I was somehow different from others. I've felt compelled to go just a little bit further and just a little bit farther. I love adrenaline and extreme sports, and I seek out-of-the-ordinary experiences to fill my life. When I was very little, I tried to fit in, to find that chip that so many other people have, and to find my "place," among the popular girls and the people wanting to get married or settle down. Five years ago, when I first went back to school, I was with a wonderful man who ended up leaving me, accusing me of needing "a big life," by this time, though, I knew something implicitly, "yeah, well, I only get one! I better make it count!" 

So here I am, five years later, no longer stumbling around looking for my place. I'm making it. I'm creating my own future. It doesn't look exactly like what I thought it would and it definitely doesn't look like most everyone else's. I made a different life for myself. I forged a different path. I am dedicating the next two years of my life to serving my country, the country I find myself in, and my students. I joined the Peace Corps because I wanted to give of myself. I wanted to experience a life that was dedicated to being a better person and never giving up on that dream. I made it happen. That's why I have so little sympathy for those who complain about their situations. Do something about it. This world is big and experiences are unlimited. The only limits you truly have are the ones you place on yourself.

I've found my place through service. What will you find when you stop making excuses?

Arrival

The plane ride to Chengdu was a difficult one for me. The highlight was watching movies I had wanted to see but never had time to, How to Be Single made me laugh pretty hysterically. Pride and Prejudice and Zombies was just as ridiculous as I had expected. Frozen put me to sleep for an hour, which was a blessing as I had an aisle seat and was extremely uncomfortable for most of the 14-hour flight. Because of our last names, I was sandwiched between Erin and Logan, already my best friends on this trip. The two of them are a godsend. I've been so fortunate to find people already that are kind, generous, funny, sarcastic, and just generally fun to be with.

I have found that a positive attitude in life makes everything easier to handle. Negativity really does breed more negativity, and although when I stepped on the plane I was nervous and scared and missing my family and friends, I was already surrounded by people who were fast becoming my new family. This process can be highly stressful. From day one, entering the Peace Corps is a highly bueracratic process with hoops and slow responses, but as Russ sent me in an email after I arrived, the people you work with, volunteers, staff, site teachers, and students are what make this experience worthwhile. Back home, in my other blogs, I write a lot about how the only way to change anther person's outlook is through education. The only way to make this world a more educated and logical place is also to educate the people. That is why I came to China. To make a difference by educating. It's why I want to be a professor. My TA experience taught me that I am a good, fair, diligent teacher. I am kind and laugh with my students, but I also make them learn. I want to see progress, not perfection. I am not judgmental of their failures, nor do I take it personally, but as a wonderful man once told me, "the best question you can ask yourself and others is, 'why?'" As in, 'why were you late?' Or even, 'why are you struggling?' The why is the most important part when assessing someone's ability and response. Assuming the worst only prevents you from seeing the best.

I kept that in mind when I stepped off the plane in China. We were signed into the country using our PC Passports with their visa stickers and then corralled around the baggage claim where PC Volunteers pulled bags off of the carousel and stacked them for each other. When I had all my bags, I headed to customs thinking it would be a three hour process like when I went to Israel with the US Swimming Team for the Maccabiah. Nope. It was painless. In fact, it was quicker than going through security to get on the plane in the United States. The Chinese were so efficient that everyone (all 80-something) were on the buses and on the way to the hotel in less than 25 minutes. It was incredible.

I sat next to Logan on the way and remarked on the buildings and landscape. It reminded me of Florida with the pink paint jobs and high heat and humidity. The streets were full at 7:00 pm. I watched buildings pass by and thought to myself, 'this is home. This is where I belong right now.' I felt at peace. I felt excitement. The nervousness of the flight was erased the moment that drive started. This is my life, and I'm truly living it, and I'm excited!